Forgive me Mother Hass, for I have sinned against avocados.

This is another edition of “The Internet Told Me…” where I try out produce-related hacks to see how they really pan out. In early June, I saw one of those social media recipe videos that showed pickled avocados. The recipe, adapted from “An Avocado a Day: More than 70 Recipes for Enjoying Nature’s Most Delicious Superfood” by Lara Ferroni, evoked visceral reactions from not only myself, but everyone who saw the video I shared.

Reactions ranged from “NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO” to “Gross.” to “OMG Why? Why?!”

But, c’mon guys. This is for science. Of course I had to try it.

So I went to Trader Joe’s in Austin, Texas, and picked up a bag of their new “Teeny Tiny” avocados, a fun, new 6-count bag that just launched, marketed toward those Millennials and their avocado toast addictions. The bag, which retails for $2.69 is aimed at smaller serving sizes, so people don’t have to figure out how to store half an uneaten avocado.

The recipe is simple: vinegar, salt, sugar, mustard seeds, peppercorns and a couple of chiles. You simmer the brine, let cool to room temperature and pour over sliced firm avocados. Mine weren’t 100% firm – they were about a day away from spreadable toasty goodness. I will say they were nutty, creamy and delicious, though.

You’re supposed to be able to eat them in as little as an hour, but I went ahead and let them marinate in the fridge overnight. I posted a photo of my work in progress and got these reactions:

“What are you doing? You’re making my avocado tree cry.”



“That’s like $12 worth of millennial tears.”

“This hurts my soul…but I admit I’m curious to know the results.”

My son Ike and I shot a Pamela’s Kitchen version of the results, and, I’ll sum up with the words of my 3-year-old:

“That’s Gross.”

The brine turned my creamy, nutty delicious avocados into something crumbly and bitter and salty as the tears I shed over lost avocado goodness.

I could maybe make a case for this treatment if I had super firm, bland avocados that needed some help, but why would I buy those in the first place, and how am I going to know before I let them marinate in this festering jar of awful?

Ok, that’s harsh.

Harsh like this bitter brine of disappointment. 


Curious about the offending recipe?  Here's where I saw it. 


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